Thursday, July 26, 2018

I miss home.

“farm啊,你一定会homesick的,你以前去camp也是第一天晚上就哭了啊!”
对,没错。 我来到这里两个星期有多,我想家了。
朋友们,神预言啊!

出国念书?离开家里? 多久? 半年? 不用怕吧 很快就过去了··· 大多数人都跟我这样说。
我没想过这个出国念书的计划会实行,也没想过爸爸会让我就这样去了。更何况我详细了解家里的财政状况,觉得让我出国念书是一个天方夜谭。我爸爸供不起我出国念书啊··· 在飞机上,还想起妈妈说的话,觉得妈妈受了不少委屈也都是因为撑我,让我可以好好的出国,哭得稀里哗啦的。想回去出发的那一天,妈妈提早回家也是不想看到我大哭才这样做的吧····

我从来没有离开家里多过3-4天, 旅行除外,毕竟旅行是和家人一块去。现在,我还挺佩服我自己能捱过两个星期自己一个人在外地生活。回想起我第一次在这里跟妈妈video call,我眼睛含着泪,告诉她我一切都还好,妈妈的眼睛是红的。 我还故意吸鼻子的说这里很冷,来掩饰我想哭的心情,不时还把摄像头往天花板看。‘姐,做么你看天花板,给我看下我的肥肥有没有肥到~’, 这句话把我逗笑了,心里想着就算是我胖了你也是开心的吧··· 至少我在这里没饿着,定时吃饭睡觉才变胖。

某天早晨,滑脸书时看见一个post,莫名戳中自己内心深处想家的念头。 默默的擦着眼泪,动作也不敢太大,真怕惊醒同床的室友,只好静悄悄的坐在角落小声的哭。

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我在家的时候,一直都说妈妈不要煮饭,我们吃外面吧,还是我们上网order delivery,可是现在想迟到妈妈煮的,真的很难。我很讨厌妈妈煮的粥,因为吃腻了,可是现在想吃吃看妈妈煮的鸡蛋粥还真的吃不了······
话说到这里,眼泪又不争气的落了··· 是多久没看到妈妈,听到她的碎碎念,甚至还想被她骂一下才觉得心里好过一些。 哎··· 

每天都睡不好,胃也在搞事情··· 想吃多一个胃药都想起妈妈的叮嘱,不到忍无可忍都不要吃多,不要依赖比较好, 又把第二颗药放回盒子里去了。不断安慰自己,忍一忍会过去的,多几天说不定就会适应了。嗯···


Saturday, March 25, 2017

UNI LIFE.

I started my uni life since 4 weeks aka a month ago. I still feel everything is so unreal because I never really take a long break after finishing my diploma. After the final semester exam ended, I only take few weeks off to go and have a bonding session with my friends and families. After that, I started the summer school which is only taking the MPU subjects for 2 months. During the 2 months, friends in college keep on pressuring me with the stories of previous seniors who studied in UOW. KILL ME PLEASE. I do think of getting a long break and looking for a proper job to earn some pocket money but no one wants to hire me. OK, maybe I wasn't that sincere on sending resume I guess? So my mum asked me to go study rather than wasting time at home like a useless wood.

Back to the uni life. The rules and regulations on every subject are slightly same but it is quite confusing at the same time. Basic rules are same of course, but some important details are the one to decide you whether you should fail your paper or pass your paper. When I was in diploma, everything is not that serious and you can just attend the class for attendance and ciao.

IT IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY FOR NOW!! It is not that easy peasy lemon squeezy anymore. Once you skip one class, you will never get back to the track. I AM SERIOUS. Even I never skip for the class, I still cannot follow the syllabus. Every week have to submit a few pages tutorial for all the subject you take, citation all that shit must be included otherwise you will get 0. Lecturer mentioned we need to do citation for every piece of work, some of the work must follow the citation requirement like you must cite 4 journals, 2 textbooks or what so ever. You will have to bring the subject outline with you all the time. It stated all the work you need to do and the syllabus you will need to cover for every week. Attendance must be 80% present for both tutorial and lecture. It is Australian study program which means we as a student will need to use Aus textbooks, reference books, and everything from AUS.

I am a very lazy person tbh. Doing work every day is not my style, some more lecturers posted all the work in soft copy. I wonder why they like to post the videos on moodles and ask us to watch it. It is freaking 2 hrs video. It is not a video anymore, it should be a movie. I feel like dying every time they ask us to do the video watching..............

I don't know how to stay alive ah.... let's see the result for the first semester.....

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

你究竟在為誰而演戲?

太多的事情,太多的心情。太多太多⋯ 想法子去安慰,卻沒有這個能力,唯有做個靜靜的聆聽者。知道的故事太多,想要的就是得到一種安慰,一種救贖。當你越是想要把事情搞好,卻往往會弄巧反拙。你究竟是在為誰而這樣做?

越是努力想改變自己的生活,卻慢慢的失去自我。越是想把自己搞得精彩,卻忘記了自己活著的意義。越是這樣,你開始質疑,轉牛角尖。你究竟又是在為誰呢?

我有時還真的很質疑自己,我自己真正要的是什麼⋯ 有種自欺欺人久了,開始懷疑面前的一切是在安慰自己還是自己真正想要的東西。我究竟是怎樣了?

我拼命的努力,卻得不到認同。我拼命的爭取,卻被現實打敗。我拼命追尋,卻被失望打擊。我相信奇蹟,但奇蹟不發生在我身上。

或許,上帝的指引,我還未能參透⋯⋯ 繼續的腳踏實地吧!